Personal development junkies can be exceptionally annoying. Fresh from yet another weekend workshop (one that no doubt betrays worrying signs of being a cult) they wax lyrical about how motivated or excited they are about life. Talk soon turns to million pound yachts and being on the cover of Fortune magazine. The rest of us look on aghast. Well, I do at any rate.

On the other side of the street are the do-gooders - our activist friends just back from an eco-footprint conference or human rights rally buzzed up about making change. They wax lyrical about urgent action in Tibet or the moral degeneracy of our Western governments. Admirable but ultimately, as Gandhi let us know, any form of righteousness is just that I’m right and you’re wrong and this kind of judgement holds people in place and actually stops them changing. Remember the last time someone told you not to eat any more or shut-up what did it make you want to do?

The thing is that both groups are heading in the right direction yet both are in danger of an ethical and emotional meltdown. The trick is both areas the inside of the mind and the outside of the world can change, but they have to be done in the right sequence, and with the right heart.

Personal development without a focus on making the world a better place is nauseating, selfish and will eventually lead to a feeling of deep emptiness. Addicts jump from workshop to workshop but soon find that even being a millionaire doesn’t fill up the void.

Activists who focus on making the world work according to their moral judgements risk creating more problems than there already are out there violent and desperate people, transgressors of human rights and our environmental wellbeing, are likely to react even more violently to the sanctimony of the Western activist.

It is the order that we do things in that is key. Yes we want to change the world but change must always starts inside. Once we have the wisdom to see our own hypocrisies and shortcomings in stark silhouette on the horizon and we have the compassion to forgive ourselves for them - then, and only then, can we start to spread that love to others… and begin to alleviate the suffering running rampant across our communities and our ecosystems. 

Motivational workshop warrior and eco-warrior alike working on yourself is the prerequisite for changing the world. Personal development is world development.

The local kids on our street for some reason like to sit on the wall at the front of our house. So my friend Annie and I one day decided to sit there for a while to see what was so good about that particular vista. We brought with us some delicious ice cream made of nothing but water, agave syrup (check it out, it’s sweeter than sweet yet doesn’t raise your blood sugar levels and is even OK for diabetics) cashews and fresh ginger.

We were discussing the concept of ‘ownership’ and the idea of ‘my wall’, ‘my house’...’MY space’

Why was it bothering me even a little that these children (not the quietest I’ve ever met) had taken up residence on ‘our’ plot?

As we were laughing about our crazy minds I started to read the ice cream container and on it was this quote:

“Relax; nothing is under control” - Mister Booja Booja

Yes…

There is truth in that!

I’m sure that my mind doesn’t work any differently to anyone else. It likes to to enjoy the illusion of being in control of everything that happens. My deepest wisdom tells me that the only thing I’m in control of is my perception of what happens, not what actually does. Day to day life brings up all sorts of situations that tell me I sometimes forget this truth.

‘I SHOULD BE IN CONTROL OF ‘MY’ LIFE’ - can we know that is absolutely the case?

I’ve found that whenever I believe that to be true, anger arises in me.

And when I let go and watch what is happening without needing it to be different, I feel like everything is in it’s rightful place. Just because that’s how it is.

That doesn’t mean we sit back and let everything in life happen to us.....

Next time I hear the kids on the wall I say to myself ‘ they are on the wall’, just so I can see all the different parts of myself that fight against reality, as well as the compassionate and empathic sides of me who sees everyone as a brother and sister in this world - it’s my choice to see which part of me wins out in this particular case.

And whilst this is true, we also want to create a space of calm around our home - we are having our front garden re-designed. We were thinking a fence instead of a wall would be better…

Shopping Is My Life is a brand new BBC3 series about people who are addicted to shopping. It is presented by myself and top stylist Faye Sawyer and has appeared throughout June on Tuesdays at 8pm, and the last episode can be seen online now. Each episode follows someone who can’t stop spending, as they are treated to what can only be described as an extreme case of ‘retail rehab’. There’s resistance, fighting and rebellion, along with the slow uncovering of the unhappiness their shopping fixation is really hiding.

You can see it later on this evening, right here on the Watch page. 

A recent review of Shopping is My Life in The Guardian caught my eye the writer suggested that helping people find fulfilment outside of the malls and high-streets of the land might not be the best way to combat our excessive consumer culture.

I personally think this is exactly where we need to start. I want people to feel good about themselves because of who they are, not what they buy; and speaking to large groups of people through media like the TV is the best way of inspiring the nation to change.

We are a planet of rampant consumers. We’ve been brought up on a diet of things - shiny boxes and enticing clothes - to help fuel the free-market economy and create the growth that politicians and shareholders desire. Adam Smith, the father of economics and grandfather of the free-market said ‘Consumption is the sole end and purpose of all production. The maxim is so perfectly self-evident, that it would be absurd to attempt to prove it.”

Today, consumer confidence is the greatest predictor of economic wellbeing. To create the stuff we want so badly the producers rape the earth for the raw materials that end up as mobile phones, food packets and low-budget flights. Until recently they told us it could go on that way for ever. We of course now know this is not true.

Experts estimate that if we carry on the way we are going - particularly if millions of Chinese and Indian consumers want just the kind of luxuries we take for granted - within 20 years we will need the equivalent of two planets to feed our combined desires. When the fridge is empty we go hungry. And when we are hungry we fight for what little is left.

There is no point “just worrying” about climate change, or sighing as Tesco’s profits hit another record. It is how we see the world that guides our behaviours. Even if unconsciously we are still living in the myth that there are infinite oil reserves and land to grow food, we will keep acting in ways that drive the economy… yet damage our future.

The only answer is to wean ourselves off our consumer habits. Perhaps not throwing away our mobile after a year or buying a new dress because we can’t be bothered to sew the old one. But what could we replace the thrill of the shop with? Maybe the sense of meaning and purpose that can only be found when we give of ourselves selflessly. I reckon we have it all wrong. It is not by getting stuff that we get happy. In my experience, it happens when we give.

Hello and welcome to our newly launched web site. Have a look around at our interactive transformational experiences (at the top of your screen), music downloads for creative minds and revolutionary ideas for a radically better world. You’ll be able to enjoy all of the things we have to offer here if you sign in.